Unwelcome guest (haibun)

Photo Credits

Today is a rest day. Take care of me day.  Resting until mid afternoon in a reclining position on my pillow top mattress….ahhh! my back seemed to be behaving much better.  You see too much work, not enough sleep, rest, me time  does impact on your body too.

I started washing a few items in the kitchen sink and my mind started turning the wheels of thought and process.  I like to call this “meditating”.   I decided to take a few items out of my dishwasher…ended up taking every item and washing by hand in the tub…still thinking. I also felt good that I had saved on water and the environment by NOT wasting water and hot water by using my dishwasher this week.

My mind kept moving along on  “play” I had to find something more to do.  I call this the Mary Tyler Moore Syndrome. For older folks, you may remember when she was upset or had something to process in her mind, she would clean up her apartment. Well, I have no intention of doing any majour cleaning but I find doing it in little increments, it soothes the soul. You know, like cleaning out a closet, helps to sort things out in your mind…look at something, chuck it in the trash if it has served its purpose and set aside if there is some more sorting and “processing” to do.

I actually use that analogy a lot when counselling youths.  Counselling is a lot like cleaning out your closet. I usually take everything out and make three piles. One to give a way (it can be a learning experience you are ready to give away…process with your counsellor, then move on) , one to throw away (you look at it, talk about it and put it behind you, no longer serves any purpose…actually weighs you down) and one to sort (may not be ready to look at, talk about yet…) and put back neatly in the closet..

So I decided to clean out a corner cupboard near the sink.  It is one that is deep and difficult to get at things…so I put things in the deep part that I don`t need much and in the front part I have my rice and box of cereal.

Rewind a bit:  Bette, my loyal feline bff has been sitting near that cupboard door for quite some time. I thought perhaps there was a mouse and had checked it out before the holidays…nope, no mouse there.  Then I checked to see if there were any insects…nope…all good there.  But it is always very cold there…it is connected to my neighbor who is rarely home…in Europe somewhere but there is a buddy that stays over now and then. So basically it is not heated much and I suppose not checked out much…yep you got it, a safe haven for vermin during our cold winter months.

I decide to empty everything…I notice little calling cards…yep, you got it but do not see any owner. All is emptied and nothing…so I figured the culprit came in through the hole in the wall (around the pipes) that leads to my neighbours and went back to that huge haven of free space.  I start washing with disinfectant…then checking my box of cereal that I have never opened yet…I notice a hole in the box and I see/hear movement…OMG…little furry mini grey critter…dear me…Bette was right all along…I will never EVER second guess her.  She is the master of this house {really apartment but it sounds better}.

So much for disrupting my meditation…finished cleaning and started blogging…my mind had no more clutter for some reason…my muse revisited and stayed a while, perhaps to comfort me after my heart kept racing… {sigh}

(Haiku)

Heard pitter patter

unwelcome guest scurried fast

A mouse in my house!!!

© Cheryl-Lynn, 2014/02/12

How are ya’?

We live in a world where everyone is rushing. People are on automatic pilot. We walk past a friend, colleague and in passing, we blurt out platitudes, casual greetings, automatic questions that we really do not expect a response, we do not want any discourse and in fact if we ask, How are ya? in passing we are stumped…literally, have to back track,  if someone says more than a nod of the head, smile or meek “fine”. It’s sad, isn’t it? How pathetic have we become?

How are you?

Why do you ask?
Do you really want to know?
Cos I could tell you
a thing or two…
Do you even care?
Why the hell do you ask
if you just say it as you pass
you don’t even friggin stop
or pause, or even look me in the eye.
So don’t bother to ask me EVER
who the feck cares, right?
I really don’t take it light
and don’t want to even fight
about this, you don’t actually care
about me or anyone but you.

© Cheryl-Lynn, 2014/02/12

Tired surrender

Photo credits: Self-Care

Tired surrender

Times you may feel
you care a great deal
wish you could help more
suffering, pain and sore
spirits and hearts
make you sometimes
want to fall apart.
Days, turn into weeks,
time just seems to drag
on and on and on.
You start to get edgy
can’t seem to sleep every night
you have nightmares that might
keep you up, they’re too scary;
You start to forget, become wary
it’s harder and harder to focus
impatience starts to follow suit
and soon you realize it’s that time…
You need to take some time for you,
you need to surrender yourself,
to self-care, wellness to restore
your mental well-being.
Surrender your mind and soul,
pamper yourself, your body whole,
massages, bubble baths,
allow friends to treat you
refrain from resisting support
take back your “self”
regain your mental
and physical whole SELF
Surrender…now…
you’re tired now…
Surrender…tired surrender…
Open yourself to soothing,
restoring, healing your SELF!

© Cheryl-Lynn, 2014/02/12

Prompt #42 Tired Surrender

Do you see what I feel?

PE.Harrell-Sanders_DoYouSee

Do You See What I Feel by Dana Harrell-Sanders

When I talked about you last night

it was just to write a verse.

It was fiction. No big deal! alright?

 

Why the constant striking

must there be so much throbbing

with such vengeance my way?

I was only kidding yesterday.

 

I didn’t mean anything by the poetry.

Please remove the heavy artillery!

Lower the mega equipment

Please take out the iron fists

that push, pound and torment,

beating incessantly

invoking indignation

imposing impatiently

seeking retribution

but for what?!

 

Have some compassion

let’s call it a truce

give me a meagre portion

of amnesty

please believe

I’ll never complain…

grant me some reprieve

to relieve this pain.

cease this unremitting beating

nonstop on this poor form of ail

it hurts just to breathe

I wince when I inhale

my plea is humble and pure

Please, please, JUST stop!

© Cheryl-Lynn 2014/02/10

Le `tit vieux du Manoir Merveilleux

Source: Pinterest

#FWF Free Write Friday: Image Prompt

Season 2, Week 6, Dungeon Prompts this week, Purpose and the Art of Holding Back 

Le `tit vieux du Château Merveilleux
Le `Tit vieux était si mal compris et sérieux
allons voir ce qui se passe dans son milieux
Ah! vous ne saviez pas qu’il était si généreux.
Écoutez! voici une histoire d’un homme merveilleux
Je vais vous présenter monsieur Elphège Vielleux.

*************

Maître  Elphège Veilleux died suddenly. He was a recently retired corporate lawyer. The village were mourning such a generous and wise man. He was only sixty-two.  They say he had an aneurism. That is supposed to be quick death…not too much suffering except, of course, for the survivors. What a shock! Such sadness and harrowing grief due to this unexpected ending!

A few days following the funeral,  Notaire Bergeron requested the presence of Iréné Veilleux,  the only son of Elphège. He was 33 years old and still never worked a day in his life. He had been kicked out of 5 private schools, 2 universities and had been in and out of 8 detox centres.  He was currently trying to fight the battle with his heroin addiction.  He thought to himself, if he can settle his father`s estate soon enough, he had good intentions to get into a private clinic in Magog, La Façon d’être.  He had spoken to his father about this last month. “If only he were still alive to see him succeed…IF only he could this time.”

The appointment of the reading of his father`s will was two o`clock and Iréné arrived just a few minutes early.  The receptionist offered him a cup of coffee and led him to the board room. Iréné was confused. “Why must the meeting be in such a big room when he was the only beneficiary?”

He took a place near the head of the long oval cherry wood table. He heard people arriving at the front of the office and looked towards the mahogany doors curiously.  The double doors opened and he was surprised to see so many people in the waiting room.

Madame Champagne, the village librarian, monsieur Desrosier, the accountant, mademoiselle  Gagnon, the head nurse at La Maison Renaud and monsieur Pierre Antoine Colbert but everyone called him PaCo, the former groundskeeper of Elphège Veilleux`s estate. He lived in the cottage behind le manoir.  Iréné was a bit surprised to see PaCo arrive.  He was in his late fifties but he had not aged well; arthritis had ravaged his body.  He had been with Elphège since he was a child. His mother was Elphège`s gouvernante and raised PaCo in the old carriage house.  There had always been an understanding that Paco could stay in his humble but comfortable loft for as long as he wished.  He was a bit of an enigma to most here.  No one knew where he went every afternoon returning at twilight.

His stride was shaky, shuffling towards the nearest chair, he was the first seated and the others all took a seat.  Monsieur le notaire took his place and advised he had very little to say, “Monsieur Veilleux has recorded his last Will and Testament on this video, a copy is in all your envelopes along with necessary supporting documents as well.  Allons-y…”

The video commenced: Monsieur Veilleux is seated in the carriage house in an overstuffed arm chair…

“Bonjour mes chers amis…mon fils, Iréné. Comme vous voyez…I am a humble man.  I was born in a privileged environment with little needs but those who know me well, I have always worked hard. I love this village and if you are viewing this video, I have already taken off to new territories; hopefully I will be joining ma belle et douce Alys; perhaps I will also meet with maman et papa  who taught me to respect nature and human dignity. I have tried to do both.  The orchard is not as vibrant as it was but it has managed well enough to offer work to many in the village.  For that I am pleased.

During the ice storm several years ago, I was fortunate enough having 3 generators and welcomed many of you wonderful people in my home.  What a learning experience mother nature offered me.   That entire month co-habitating under difficult climatic circumstances was a turning point for me. You were privileged in one sense, being in college outside the triangle that got hit from this ice storm.  I had forged closer relations with some of you who are here today.  For that I thank you. Merci mes chers amis…you have blessed me with a gift that is priceless …the gift of purpose.

Voici, mon cher fils, I want to offer you this wonderful opportunity…you have no idea how enrichissant it feels to have such a blessing and here is my offering to you with love and hope that you grow with this dowry.

Iréné, you have struggled since the death of Alys, ta charmante maman; you were so young.  A boy at eleven still needs the love and comfort of sa maman. Since then you left me, your family, your friends and followed your own path and got lost along the way. I only hope you are here, present, as my friends are viewing this last discourse I share with you.

Sometimes when a person is lost in obscurity he finds himself in the clutches of des esprits douteux.  For you, it has been the spirits of the mind that robbed your will. You did not know that addiction was the poison of your forefathers.  Alas, yes, and this poisonous concoction disguised as a healing cocktail turns into a possessive demon…who robbed me of my son and deprived you of living.  I know you have suffered and still ache, mon fils.

I am turning le Manoir Merveilleux into a halfway house for men and women recovering from addiction.  I have more space than I have ever required and since the ice storm I have been exploring opportunities to develop my purpose in the days remaining in my life. I have visited Le Virage and la Maison Foster and mademoiselle Gagnon has helped me in this research, educated me more on the wrath of addictions and the long rehabilitation required to remain sober.  I never realized how difficult this could be. I always assumed you did not have enough willpower or that I had spoiled you too much and somehow I had enabled you.  Pardonne-moi, mon fils, I was so ignorant.

I learned that many font des rechutes, relapses as well. So I asked my friends to explore this more for me. Madame Champagne headed the research.  We found that when a person who had the support of loving friends and family,  had more chances in succeeding but what seemed to be a stronger influence was having a sense of purpose.  The strongest motivator seemed to be purpose…un raison d’être was key to maintaining sobriety.  Perhaps it is not the only source of success but I am willing to wager it may be what the doctor ordered for you, mon fils.

Paco will be the Clinical Director.

Iréné gasped and almost spilled his coffee on his lap. The villagers listened but did not seem as shocked by this announcement.  Paco lowered his eyes and stared at his hands waiting for his childhood friend to finish his discourse. He was saddened by this great loss…a brother in so many ways and his confidant.

“Paco has a PhD in psychology as you may not have known and has been the psychologist at the Cowansville Correctional Insititute for the past 25 years working the evening shift;  in 1998 I asked him if he would consider getting his certification in addictions and I am pleased he seemed as interested in this field of study as I did.

Paco is a humble man, Iréné. Do not judge him by his modest living and scruffy attire. He wears the same outdoor garb when chopping wood or raking the leaves, that belonged to his father who died not long after your mother passed.    He says it brings him closer to his father`s spirit.  He maintains the grounds at his insistence for he says it frees his spirit and feeds his mind. We already have students who come regularly to maintain the grounds who are part of another programme I have set up for aspiring college students. When they complete their high school, I will cover their tuition fees IF they succeed in their studies for a total of 6 years. Education is a free pass to life, my son.

Paco has always lived in the carriage house where he was raised and it is with great humility he accepted to take his place in le Manoir.  The carriage house is being refurbished and all latest digital instruments helpful in pursing post-secondary studies will be installed along with updated furnishings.  This will be your new home, Iréné, once you return from La Façon d’être. I am hoping you will try one more time…giving sobriety a chance.

When you return, you will have access to an addiction counsellor and group support in le Manoir anytime.  You will be given a list of chores you are required to do as all the residents do at this new halfway house.  Once you have completed your term here, you will have access to the carriage house as your new home for as long as you wish.   I have set aside funding for you to eventually return to academia.  The mind is a precious gift one must not waste…you are privileged in so many ways, mon fils. I hope you will benefit from this opportunity.

I have one stipulation for you, mon fils, if you wish to continue receiving the monthly allowance from your trust fund, you must volunteer a minimum of 10 hours a month in a non-profit agency that offers support to children, youths, men, women or  families in need. Once you find your “calling” PaCo and mademoiselle Gagnon must approve the organization and will be your advisor/mentor along this rich journey.

I will always be with you, mon fils, in love and spirit.”

© Cheryl-Lynn, 2014/02/08

**********************************************

I started writing a story about this prompted image and along the way another prompt from Dungeon Prompts this week, Purpose and the Art of Holding Back  was on my mind and it slipped into the theme of this story.  I thought to myself, Well, that is sort of cheating, isn’t it?  But I don’t write many narratives or poems on this blog and I thought this would be an appropriate contribution. I hope you enjoyed it, Cheryl-Lynn.

Carpe Diem #393, Kumadaniji (Temple 8)

A lovely history of bodhisattva of compassion and 2 touching poems (haiku and tanka)

Bastet and Sekhmet's Library

Logo CD February

I usually don’t copy but link to the Carpe Diem stories which inspire the haiku I write for this blog, but this one particularly interested me because recently I happened to speak to a good friend of mine of the bodhisattva of compassion.

Guanyin or Senju Kannon in Japanese is the bodhisattva associated with compassion as venerated by East Asian Buddhists, usually as a female. The name Guanyin is short for Guanshiyin, which means “Observing the Sounds (or Cries) of the World”. She is also sometimes referred to as Guanyin. Some Buddhists believe that when one of their adherents departs from this world, they are placed by Guanyin in the heart of a lotus, and then sent to the western pure land of Sukhāvatī.”

Haiku

compassionate heart
listening – understanding
stopping the stigma

Tanka

along your pathway
where to turn in troubled times
she is waiting there
a calm compassionate…

View original post 15 more words

Ms Calm and Ms Anxiety

the-surreal-arts.deviantart.com

Penny Calm came in the diner
one cold snowy Friday
ordered a cuppa camomile
and the soup of the day;
sipping her herbal tea
lost in thought totally
she waited patiently
for Ms. Sue Anxiety.

Sue arrived in such a state
trembling and rambling
about why she was so late
“A loser on the interstate
slowed me up a long time
twenty cars were tailing in line!”
she ranted and she raved,
an order of soup she then gave
with a double Cappuccino.

“No wonder she’s so nervous”
thought her friend, Penny Calm,
“drinking cappuccino all day long.
If only she changed her diet,
her nerves might soon be quiet
and not be so distressed.”

“Now, now, Sue, calm down a bit,
let’s just enjoy our visit.
We have so much to share
Now tell me, how you are?”
Sue Anxiety , no time to spare
she complained all afternoon
’bout this and that and not aware
the impact of  her attitude
had managed to stir Penny
no longer was she calm, rather
started to panic, hyperventilate.
she had to use her inhaler
to calm her breathing rate.

By the end of the day, Sue Anxiety seemed much calmer
“This was such a great idea, to meet and spend the day
Talking and getting things off my chest I feel so much better.”
Penny Calm just stared at Sue, not sure what she should say
and left the diner, saying, “Don’t call me, I’ll call you.”

And so the story goes that Penny Calm never
did call Sue Anxiety, and calmly lived forever.

© Cheryl-Lynn, 2014/02/06

A chat with impatience

Photo: Cheryl-Lynn 2013

Photo: Cheryl-Lynn 2013

Patience:  Why are you so antsy right now? We’ll get there stop fretting!

Impatience: I want everything to be just right, to be perfect, the best EVER!  I have an important presentation to give. I want the students to feel good about this lecture.

Patience:  Whoa! you don’t have any control of the outcome really, you know.

Impatience: Why do you say that? You just want to rain on my parade.

Patience: I am sorry my words upset you but the truth is you ARE great and I am sure that things will turn out fine BUT you have no control of the reaction of your audience.

Impatience: I don’t want to hear you! Stop it! We are wasting time…just drive already so we can get there on time.

Patience: Okay, I’m going as fast as I can.

Impatience: No, you’re not! You are driving like an old lady!! Pass that Versa ahead of you…can’t you see he’s holding up traffic. Everyone is passing that car but YOU.  Put on your flasher and cut to the left lane…hurry, there is a little spot…go go go!!

Patience:   I don’t have to pass this driver …look the exit is just up ahead, we are turning off anyway. Stop worrying…relax…

Impatience: How can I relax when you are driving like a 90 year old man!

Patience: Well, actually if I were 90 years old and able to still drive, I would be quite proud to still have my driver’s permit. {chuckles} And if I were 90 what would that make you…heh heh! one hundred and two?!!! {snicker}

Impatience: {laughs nervously}  Okay, point taken.

Patience: why don’t you take out your presentation and go over your notes…that may help to ground you…be in the moment.

Impatience:  Oh, alright…can I recite my lines to you?  That may help…

Patience: Sure, that would be lovely…do I have to clap at certain parts? {grins}

Impatience:  No, now stop making a mockery out of this! {sigh!!} Do you want to help or not?!

Patience: Of course…I’m listening

Impatience: Good afternoon, my name is….{recites the introduction then gets to question period}

Patience: Ooooh oooooh!! I have a question? 

Impatience: Yes, what is it?

Patience:  So, I have a friend who has been self-harming lately because he gets soooo impatient and frustrated with his life, he says that he has started to do that. Who do people hurt themselves?

Impatience:  Wow! That is a good question by the way. Some people sometimes cope with emotional problems by unhealthy means.

Patience: Why would someone choose a bad way to cope on purpose?

Impatience: Well, they don’t know it’s bad necessarily or good, they just do it because it sometimes helps to calm them…ease that huge tension they feel inside and it may calm down for a few minutes or hours.

Patience: Oh, really? I had no idea.  So can it stop…I am pretty worried for my friend.

Impatience: If your friend is open to try something else, it can eventually stop but it takes work and effort on her part too.  It can’t always be easy…for some it is like an addiction…you know.

Patience: Yes, yes, I get it now.  Wow!  You know, you are such a different person when we are not concentrating on my driving. I can’t get over how patiently you just answered my questions there. I mean it…thanks.

Impatience: Well, it’s my job, silly…I like what I do…so it’s easy to be more understanding and patient. Now step on it, will you, or the light will turn red!!! Go, go, go, go….

© Cheryl-Lynn, 2014/02/04

Prompt 41 – Consuming Impatience

This prompt was to write about Consumed Impatience.  I find we are sometimes “consumed” with impatience under certain situations in our live.  Some may be more impatient than others and perhaps that can be due to anxiety, anger management (that too can be due to other mental health conditions such as depression), worry and lack of self-confidence for example.  I am sure there are many other reasons why someone may lose patience.  And then there are some who have an abundance of patience…they seem to take things in their stride. What a gift!  Here is ONE example on how “impatience” can play out and “patience” can resume in the life of that same person.