solemn promise (haibun)

They had traveled for two days and one night, always climbing.  They stopped in small villages along the way to rest a bit, talk with villagers and ask them advice on their journey up the Himalayas.  An elderly man sat crossed legged in his tiny hut behind the cabin where they were lodged for the night.  He seemed in a trance, sleeping and dreaming perhaps. The travelers were touched by the old man’s faint smile on his lips.

twilight’s first act,
almost close enough to touch
dancing stars

© Tournesol’15/11/20

I struggled with the haiku here are other drafts:

night draws its curtains
auspicious coryphée
stellar performance

or

night draws its curtains
coryphée is nigh
stellar ballet

or

twilight’s first act,
almost close enough to touch
dancing stars

or

night draws its curtains
auspicious coryphée
stellar ballet

Carpe Diem Haiku Kai

Advertisements

26 thoughts on “solemn promise (haibun)

  1. A beautiful snippet of a walk – really opens the mind to ideas, but………………………………..um…I really, really love the last version of the haiku best! The 3rd one of drafts I mean…SUPERB!!

    Like

      1. Oh no…my doctor said Migraines can’s last for more than a few hours. Any headache that lasts longer than that is a stress headache. I get rid of those by laying flat on back with a neck pillow or a rolled up towel under my neck–anything will do so long as it supports your neck only and your back is straight. Stress headaches are just pain feeding into the head from the neck supporting too much weight (every angle of degree a neck is tilted increases the pressure on the spine because gravity pulls on the head more doubling and tripling its weight.)

        Like

      2. no it’s computer work, looking at the (not so) smart phone. All that looking down at techno gadgets does it. There was an article about that but I can’t seem to find it.

        Like

      3. I can see that as one problem for many people but mine started almost 50 yrs ago and the 3 days once a month tells me it is more hormonal. But I so many colleagues sitting badly at their computers…thank goodness we don`t have to sit there always…we have headsets and we can walk around as we talk.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. It could be. I just passed on what I’ve learned just in case it might help. That’s great that you can move around. I’m desk-bound at my job since it’s IT work.

        Like

Your comments are like sunflowers beaming at me:Vos commentaires sont des sourires des Tournesols

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s