germe fragile (tanka)

semence mijote
bourgeon en douceur
patience d’ardeur
seulement au moment propice
épanouir en beauté

©Tournesol’17/01/11

CDHK ~ Seed – The Pilgrimage

Mike Talbot put so much energy translating this, I decided to translate the thoughts here:

sprouting seed
budding ever gently
genuine patience
just, at the right moment
blossoming gracefully

©Tournesol’17

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9 thoughts on “germe fragile (tanka)

  1. semence mijote
    bourgeon en douceur
    patience d’ardeur
    seulement au moment propice
    épanouir en beauté

    In French music to my ear!

    Translated to English:

    1. Literal translation
    seed’s up
    Bud gently
    patience to ardour
    only at the right time
    grow in beauty

    2.
    seed’s through
    budding gently
    patience with ardour
    only at the right time
    with beauty grows

    3.
    seed’s through
    budding gently
    patience with ardour
    only at the right time
    grows with beauty

    4.
    seed’s through
    gently budding
    patience with ardour
    at the right time only
    will beauty grow

    My preference 4.

    Please do let me know your thoughts. All the best for 2017,

    Mick

    Like

    1. Lovely, the 4th is my fav too…it is the 2 first lines that are difficult to truly paint it as softly as it is in French, that`s why I didn`t bother…after two tries, I gave up, but you did not 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Had another look at the first line, result:

        seed’s sprouted
        gently budding
        patience with ardour
        at the right time only
        will beauty grow

        “up, through”, both a little to ambiguous in English, whereas sprouting can be applied to anything that grows. French, la germination, even better, germé in/with reference to your original, re syllable count.

        semence germé
        bourgeon en douceur
        patience d’ardeur
        seulement au moment propice
        épanouir en beauté

        what do you think? Your serve. ☺

        I hasten to add that my French is not even at a basic level, all the above done via the Bing translator.

        Mick

        Like

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