disturbing reveries daily moments April 13 2020 Haibun

Last night I was surprised to see the time when I woke up at only 2 in the morning.    It’s amazing how a deep sleep can feel like you have slept for a long time.   I slipped back to sleep and then…

I was riding my bike back home to the house where I grew up in my hometown.    It was not quite dawn…the sky was grey and the sun had not started to come up yet.  As I approached the house, I thought I should put my bike in the house not to get it stolen.

“How come I had not thought of that before since there are so many robberies at this part of town?”

Suddenly I saw my car parked and decided to stick the bike in the car but then I saw a car backing up to come and talk to me, so frantically shoved the bike in the front but was not fast enough and the car was about a metre from me.  He rolled down his window and I was about to approach out of habit…but then I froze realizing the social distancing advised was two metres.  I knew I was dreaming, and I really wanted to wake up because I sensed there was danger.  The man wanted to talk, said he felt socially isolated and got out of his car …I ran to house but could not unlock the door fast enough and close it behind me…he pushed the door and as I backed away he came closer and I thought he was going to rape me.  But he just wanted to hold someone…just wanted someone to talk to. My heart totally understood but my brain was speeding and telling me this was way too dangerous.

I kept backing up slowly but still listening.  One could tell this man was suffering but I was not sure if he could control his frustrations.

I woke up at 5:30 AM and there was  still an hour or so before I should get up for work…but I could not help but feel I might go back to the same dream.   I put on my mask for my eyes and kept repeating my mantra and imagining the face of Amma, hoping I could fall asleep…I did but not in a deep sleep but back into the same dream…

We talked in the living room…I was sitting on the couch and he on the footstool with such a heavy look of defeat.  I felt so bad that this virus had done this to him but also worried for my health.  Feeling guilty for thinking of myself and feeling empathy for him…not a great place to be…and then I woke up at 6:30 and got up. Enough already!!

I took my time getting ready for work, setting up my laptop, my tv as a second monitor and  sticking important papers on my cupboard door to have everything in my view.

I took out the garbage and recycling as well since it was very early and pouring rain I could avoid seeing anyone.  I wore my new white cotton gloves and then dumped them in the wash and logged onto my laptop.

What a way to start my day!

hearing their stories
describing a dystopia
makes my skin crawl

© Tournesol ‘2020/04/13