embracing moments of joy (haibun)

 

(c) clr’2022

As we hope to approach the end of this pandemic, a month ago the world witnessed an explosion of chaos, of violence, of trauma, of one of the worse assaults against humanity…I’m not an expert on this.  I am but an ordinary person who is in her late autumn years…or is it winter? Well, it is not spring or summer, so you figure it out.

Watching the news is a cat and mouse affair for me.  I want to be in the “know” but most days I can no longer handle it.  I know I need to be fresh and together so my heart is open to be filled with trauma, sorrow and the multiple questions from a confused generation of youths and young adults.   And so I watch the news 3 days a week to keep some balance in my heart…my mind.

I cry for youths.  I cry for my children and their children…heck, I cry for anyone who is younger than me and so many of their dreams are in question.  I weep out of fear, worry, disappointment with the world and how we have become split in so many ways…more than I have ever seen in my lifetime.

I have lived a long full life without the chaos we are faced with now but my heart aches especially  for children, teens and young families all over the world.

I have been trying to  embrace brief moments of joy…I heard a flock (gaggle)  of geese honking over my building at sunset last week…the sound made my heart beat just a little faster. My geranium is blossoming so much as it stretches out towards the sun in my bedroom window…embracing moments of joy, my feline stretching in the sunshine and my granddaughter talking to me in “her” language that is music to Nana’s ears.

 

don’t cry little one
the sun is shining today
hear the geese honk

April rains wash pain away
the sun will dry your cheeks

chin up little one
skipping rope and chanting rhymes
oh! sweet merriment

(c)tournesol ‘2022-03-30

Miss you Mom

 
 
7 years passed
missing her each day
like it was just
yesterday
 
miss her scent
rich and heavy
animated laughter
flirtatious smile
uttering  her sweet “darling”
with a British accent
 
7 years has passed
miss her like
it was yesterday
 
Love you Mom
now and forever
a timex love affair
keeps on ticking.

(c) tournesol 2021-12-02

(c)Clr’14

Longing for yesterday (free verse ) August 1 2020

Every once in a while,
she weeps of what was
and what is today.

The first few months,
She’d cry a little each day;
listening to tallies of the dead
…press conferences
Oh how she would dread!

the stats always on the rise
her home became her prison
of hope and despair

in time she’d try to manage
those blubbering crying spells
two, three or four times a week…
just a little overflow…
you know when you’re embracing life
and then you catch yourself
realizing life’s not so typical
you don’t know when it ever will be.

Every once in a while,
she weeps of what was
and what is today.

And those times
you think of your children
and grandchildren
and your wish has been
only for their happiness
no parent wants to see their children sad,
worried what the future may bring
you want them happy and hopeful
you want them to look forward
to newborns and christenings
to graduations and weddings
yes, those are things that make her weep
knowing their fears are also hers
she can’t remove, they’re theirs to keep

every once in a while,
she weeps of what was
and what is today.

today she had a few errands
the drug store,
the post office had a package
And then to her local grocer
so pleased was she
proud of her deeds
walking with her checkered cart
under midday sunny skies

Every once in a while,
she weeps of what was
and what is today.

And then she arrives
this new reality
slaps her in the face
washing, disinfecting,
wiping down every item
that was touched by others
you know… just in case

washing her favourite mask
cash back credit card
proof of ID health card
and all three condo keys

she’d looked so forward
to sit, enjoy those fresh fruits
a slice or two or maybe three
of fresh baked crusty bread
filled with berries and oranges,
and add some whipped cream cheese
and cold glass of cranberry juice

But the washing, the separating,
the storing and disinfecting
takes at least an hour or so

at last she does sit down
looks out at her balcony
flowers on her mom’s iron table
her tree she now calls her own
she weeps, of what seems so normal
yet, Is still not so
one still does not know
whenever that will be.

(c) tournesol ‘ 2020/08/01

 

an afterthought

how can one weep
up above the dark blue sky
heavens speak

Yé! ma commande est arrivé

 

Oh les chips et le pepsi
certainement vont arrivé
Que j’ai hâte de savouré
une bonne bière pis steak haché

c’est le temps de la maudite
virus corona dix- neuf
pas le temps de magasiner
même pas l’droit de jouer d’hors

tout le monde vraiment poigné
pas le droit de travailler
parce que tous les politiciens
nous mets tous en quarantaine

Oh les chips et le pepsi
certainement vont arrivé
Que j’ai hâte de savouré
une bonne bière pis steak haché

les tits vieux on vraiment peur
pis y peuvent pas faire leur courses
ils doivent tous faire leurs commandes
l’internet ou leur voisins

Oh les chips et le pepsi
certainement vont arrivé
Que j’ai hâte de savouré
une bonne bière pis steak haché

Mais y manquait des produits
mon pot de beurre de peanut
pis dix livre de patates blanches
pis mon savon du dimanche

en r’gardant de mon balcon
les enfants et leurs parents
en vélos et espadrilles
distanciation sociale

on respecte distance physique
évitant de l’attraper
maudite corona dix-neuf
cause des maladies psychiques

Rester dont dans vos maisons
jusqu’à prochaine bonne nouvelle
que la maudite maladie
soient partie une fois pour toute

Oh les chips et le pepsi
certainement vont arrivé
Que j’ai hate de savouré
une bonne biere pis steak haché

Oh les chips et le pepsi
ma commande est arrivé
une bonne bière et steak haché
de mon Métro favouriiiiiiii!

(c) Cheryl-Lynn ‘2020/03/25

 

unnecessary losses ~ Cherita

some changes can be embraced…over time

today I try to adapt to new gadgetry
feeling old and awkward, yet excited and giddy

some changes are not as welcomed
with heavy heart I grieve my mentor, my teacher, my advocate
yet, embrace our friendship that continues to flourish more each day

© Tournesol 2020/02/08

Godspeed Stéphanie!

(c) Clr’19 Rooftop sunset on de Gaspé, Mile End

Another person’s leaving and I can’t help but feel sad today, thinking back on that sparkle in her eyes when she first started. Watching the complicities and banters her night team had together was touching. Enjoying her photos of vacation spots exploring the world with her partner, was my way of living vicariously through a select few people I admire here.

And as if, those eyes could not take ‘shimmer’ to another level, blossoming into a beautiful woman and mother. For those who ‘get it’ when you look at your child and your heart wants to burst through your chest, there is so much love there, one could see this so clearly on her whole being as well.

Something changes dramatically when you have a child. Seeing her reminded me how those days when I returned to work with my first born. Work took second place and slowly I became to carve a new path for myself… a turning point that took a long time but brought me to my place, my passion, I still have today.

Over time, that sparkle dimmed in her eyes when she returned and I could see how she too was slowly weaving a new tapestry that would include her true self, her family and her passion. A place to breathe and feel valued and recognize the light around her again. And so, selfishly I am sad to see her go, I truly, get it.

This time it is not a new chapter but a new book. Remember how those first pages are gleaming and welcome a new story?  This is her new narrative etched with her passion and dedication to herself, her family and to those new souls who will benefit from her professionalism, her expertise, her savoir-faire and mostly her kindness.

summer waves goodbye
autumn announces change, yet…
vibrant and alive

Godspeed, Stéphanie!

© Tournesol ‘19/09/20

September 20 2019 Daily moments, Godspeed Stéphanie Haibun

True beauty comes within(a cherita & memoirs) Daily reflections

How many more need to go? Who else will leave her on her own?

A friend once said, it is like being in an abusive relationship. Yes, sort of, but she sees it more as living in a huge family home with extended family…you know, moms, dads, grandparents, uncles, aunts and children which include all the siblings and cousins. (Most of the children are pretty consistent with their values but there is always a bad apple…un cousin de la fesse gauche sort of.

You get her drift? Nod twice if you do and stop reading if you don’t because if you don’t get it, the rest of this will be way way over your head.   You know, those who no longer know right from wrong or blinded with the public image and their vanity.

It is like living on a farm with many different houses…but ONLY the parents, grandparents and uncles and aunts run the show. Okay, there may be “in law” that can also poison the crops…this is possible.

Some of the adults were nice but most (not all) of the nice ones died and went to heaven. Now the evil ones remain because they thrive longer feeding on indifference, vanity, ambition and greed.

Fortunately, the children were raised in the back fields to fend on their own and the opposite is what they live which is compassion and selflessness. Their goal to be there for the younger siblings…to fend for them, be their voice and if they leave, they must find a stronger group to replace them and continue the war on crime between compassion and apathy and other battles between truth and deceit.

She thinks of the people she can count on and there are a few uncles and aunties that do “their godlike thing” in the shadows…being there to support the young so the true field (frontline) workers can have the tools to persevere. It is an important job…a “must do” job. She is still at “can do”…for now.

Life drops obstacles along your path but the challenge is to do the best you can while you are still in this vicinity and then leave. Your mark, your values and your inspiration will linger and continue help those remaining …giving them a model and this will go on and on and on …

Even if there are fewer and fewer, good souls do not have to change…you need not let the evil change you to be like them…when you find yourself slipping into moments of apathy and numbness, fickleness and weakness, then it is time to leave. Your goodness will still enrich the earth as the children till the soil in the backfields (front line) of the farm.

(A cherita ~ micropoetry)

From the bottom of the muddy waters, a lotus rose

Such delicate beauty shall not be defiled
Thick muck remains at the bottom of the pond

Strength stems from truth
Compassionate petals of perfection
Such real beauty is divine

© Tournesol ‘19/09/10

Daily Moments September 10. 2019

cousin de la fesse gauche: an expression meaning a cousin removed so many times, they are no longer really related.

simmering memories Haibun Daily Moments August 27 2019

© clr Grand-Maman 2014

After spending a relaxing day reading, she decided to prepare her dinner.  Looking in the fridge, she was  lacking inspiration.  Groceries were in need, she sighed, yet she wanted to wait since she had busted her budget already two weeks ago.  She found broccoli stems she had saved, a bag of baby carrots, left over small potatoes that would spoil soon and of course her trusty jar of minced garlic.  Looking up at her vegetable and fruit basket hanging next to the pantry, she took two onions.

She fried the garlic, then onions then filled the pot with water and the chopped vegetables added several heaping tablespoons of beef bouillon, adding spices here and there and let it come to a boil.  Of course she added Worcestershire sauce…it was one staple in her recipes along with a dash or two or three of curry.  She stirred, adding more spices but thought she might wait a while to allow the ingredients to savour the concoction she was making.  She preferred to call it ETF (Empty The Fridge) soup.  But in the past few months there was less and less to empty.  Her fridge was sparse and that was partly trying to follow her more humble budget and also she was tired of throwing away food if she had not got around to cook.  Living alone means not over buying and calculating just enough “in case” family drop by.  Although, her timing was never that great either in those instances.  She tried to keep some things she had cooked in the freezer since she usually cooked enough for at least eight persons.

She stirred the bubbling vegetable liquid and lowered the heat to simmer.  She realized she needed to add more water so she transferred the pot to a bigger pot and then she added lentils she had rinsed several times to the stock.  As she added a few more dashes of this and that, she could not help but think of her GrandMaman.  How she wished she would have been more interested in cooking as a young adult and spent more time cooking with her.  She saw her cook as a teenager but once she married and left home, she rarely watched her do her magic in the kitchen.  She was such an amazing cook too.  The only thing she got down almost perfect was her turkey dressing.  And that was just by tasting, adding this and that and tasting over and over until it tasted like Christmas a long long time ago growing up.

She stirred absent mindedly, rapt in her thoughts that  brought her back in time. Perhaps that was why cooking was so comforting for many people.

swirls of broth
waves in a tin pool
bubbling with stories

listening to her old stories
turn of the last century

washboards and lye soap
horses pulling bread and milk
times of yore

© Tournesol ‘19/08/27

this side of the glass Haibun Daily moments August 23 2019

Funny how insulated one becomes when confined indoors. Insulated rather than isolated because it feels safe. Only the hum of her air purifier and soft snores of her cat keep her company. Looking out the window, leaves flutter with life, birds communicate from tree to tree and yet here, it’s like a different world. It’s safe here and no expectations from anyone.

She was up most of the night coughing and once that was calmed temporarily, little hammers started doing their thing just to make her life less boring. She finally managed to sleep a few more hours in the morning and her hacking cough startled even her. Another week before any doctor would consider giving her medication or believe that her lungs were clogged. She could hear a rumble when she inhaled and a faint whistle from her chest when she exhaled. She wasn’t too worried but annoyed that it had been disturbing her sleep all week.
Fortunately, she had been on vacation this passed week, so rest was the main remedy and she took advantage of that.

a different world
moving outside her window
rushing here and there
I spy with my little eye
on this side of the glass

© Tournesol ’19-08-23

endings and losses Free Verse

Today I learned that a very special person in my life will be leaving…going far away and it saddens me very much. Loss is part of everyday life. I know that but it doesn’t make it any easier. My first reaction is sadness, then anger at whoever pushed someone away, then sadness again and I swim in that for quite some time. Sometimes guilt creeps up if I think of what I should have, could have sad when he was in my life and then I dive back down to sadness…so as I wallow in my grief this is what I have to say…

losses and endings not easy to take
saying goodbye makes my heart break

we experience loss every day, every minute
ooos there goes by a minute already!

spiritual gurus keep telling us
to be present, remain in the now
it takes many losses and defeats
to come to a place of now
to finally understand what the gurus say
enjoy each precious moment of the day

losses and endings not easy to take
saying goodbye makes my heart break

tell your friend she is pretty
thank your colleague for their support
tell your manager how helpful he has been
just don’t waste precious time away
enjoy each priceless moment of the day

losses and endings not easy to take
saying goodbye makes my heart break

tell your son how special his is
tell your daughter how
you wish you were strong like her
thank your mother for everything
that you have taken to help you strive
tell your father how you feel
just don’t waste precious time away
enjoy each priceless moment of the day

remember the good times
you’ve shared with friends and family
discard the bad times
once you’ve learned from them
even when you say goodbye
to a dear friend
their memory is always with you
right there in the crux of your heart
no one can take that away from you
even after you’ve said goodbye

losses and endings not easy to take
saying goodbye makes my heart break
so just don’t waste precious time away
enjoy each priceless moment of the day
embrace your loved ones
like it’s your very last day.

© Cheryl-Lynn 20/08/2019