Reflections on Grief (Free Verse)

We hear of endings
the last time
that last moment
saying goodbye
and yet,
no warnings of “firsts”
first Christmas
first New Year
first birthday
and many other firsts
who would have known
the last would turn full circle
to the first
being as tender as that last day
bittersweet in many ways
ingredients of woe
are recipes of grief.
how to separate sorrow
from blissful memories?
you don’t
it’s not planned
it’s processed
it’s lived
it’s worn
like an old hoodie
fitted like a soft duvet
feeling like a heavy blanket
struggling with the heaviness
of fond narratives of a past

ah but the weight one feels
of such collections that we sort
but carry oh so selfishly
letting go is not a language
yet understood…
hanging on to each noun, pronoun,
verbs and oh those adjectives!

Time does not lighten this quilt
but our heart becomes accustomed

weaving heartfelt stories
every shade and colour
securing them with bonded yarn
strong, everlasting scripts
never-ending stories
our heritage woven lovingly
… a family heirloom.

(c) Tournesol 2022-09-23

Grief etched on faces ~ daily moments

It's week two of our partial lockdown, curfews and life in this fifth wave.  My heart goes out to people living alone, especially seniors who have no family or few friends.  And then I feel for youths.  How do they see the world these days, having been robbed of so much these passed two years

underlining grief etched upon faces
woven in the fabric of their souls

upside down smiles
not knowing why, how, when
will life feel moderately
tolerable
again

trying to pull away
feeling bits of freedom
independence
rebellious 
teens being teens

but not now
stolen pockets of time 
laughing with friends
no one sees their smiles
masked with triple layers
no one sees their frowns
no one hears their truths
crying silently in their dreams

underlining grief etched upon  faces
woven in the fabric of their souls

a time to make friends
meet new people
parties here
get-together there

finally find that special
person
who gets them…

and yet, all those
experiences pre-pandemic 
wishful dreams
unrequited loves
unfulfilled aspirations

isolation
desperation
precious paltry moments
facetiming, 
echoes of a video chat

working part time
everyone under pressure
bosses seem demanding
clients irritated
parents stressed and worried

cabin fever breaks
time for a walk
bike ride is always safe
winter sucks these times
holding them hostage
reality biting with a vengence 


underlining grief etched upon  faces
woven in the fabric of their souls

© cheryl-lynn ‘2022-01-07  

Daily Moments  Jan 7 2022

Miss you Mom

 
 
7 years passed
missing her each day
like it was just
yesterday
 
miss her scent
rich and heavy
animated laughter
flirtatious smile
uttering  her sweet “darling”
with a British accent
 
7 years has passed
miss her like
it was yesterday
 
Love you Mom
now and forever
a timex love affair
keeps on ticking.

(c) tournesol 2021-12-02

(c)Clr’14

summoning reverie ~ troibun Daily Moments Dec 1, 2018

message 
in my dream 
alerting me 
 
message 
urgency 
life and death 

in my dream 
you slept next to me 
then awakened me 
 
alerting me 
over and over again 
then I knew 
 

© Clr’14

(c)Clr’14

© Clr ’14

Mom June 22, 1926-Dec 2, 2014

November 30th, 2014 I dreamed the same dream three times.  It was scary but you were there with me in my bed, trying to save a child from death.  

I forced myself awake for it scared me so…then slipped back into slumber and the same scene appeared two more times. And so, at four in the morning, on December 1st, I waited until dawn to call the nursing home.  I knew there had to be something wrong…no one had warned me. Not one relative had called me but I knew because you came to me and I knew you wanted me by your side. 

The nurse at the nursing home said softly “Come quick, she does not have much longer.”  The taxi took so long to get there or maybe I just wished he could have gone over the speed limit.  But an hour later, I was by your side all day and  all night until passed midnight…you raised your head slightly and turned towards me, taking your last breath.  

Blessed I am 
you could not speak 
you found a way 
 
blessed I am 
to be  
by your side 
 
you could not speak 
but acted out your plea 
in my sleep 
 
you found a way 
with the grace of God 
to summon me.   
 
© Tournesol ‘18-12-01 

Daily Moments December 1 2018  Summoning reveries   Troibun

swaying recalls (troiku) Daily Moments Sept 4/17

 

©Clr’17

A Troiku

a thousand and one
rocking in her mother’s chair
memories

a thousand and one
I love you’s
never overstated

rocking in her mother’s chair
wishing
she were here

memories
storytelling and laughter
by the riverside

©Tournesol’17/09/04

Daily Moments  September 4 2017  – Swaying Recalls  (Troiku)

 

 

 

 

mysteries of grief (troibun)

Grief can be quite mysterious. One day it can feel like you are wrapped in a prickly shawl that makes you uncomfortable only now and then, when the prickles pinch you. Other times it can weigh you down like an iron wrap and slow you down for no reason at all. It snakes around and hides a spell and you may think that all must be fine, until it crawls out at the most inopportune time.

It is a slow process and not one person experiences it exactly the same way but the roller coaster of emotions can make you nauseous sometimes and other times angry, sad, guilty and salty tears return again cleansing your heart.

Sometimes I find grief is a bit like a leaky faucet. You know when, all you really need to do is change those worn out washers, but you don’t get around to it.   The water may start leaking when you least expect it.

Aw but laughter is cathartic and it can be a nice way to reminisce of past times, long ago and maybe an image will make you smile…a nice reprieve.

©Clr’16  First snowfall – November 21,2016

(troiku)

like the first snowfall
tender sorrows veiled
autumn leaves rest

like the first snowfall
slipping back in time
childhood memories

tender sorrows veiled
taking up too much energy
holiday seasons

autumn leaves rest
under fluffy white duvet
warmed by loving hearts

©Tournesol’16

Daily Moments – November 22,2016  Mysteries of grief

Grief (troiku)

like a tidal wave
spilling on broken hearts
grief flows

like a tidal wave
taste of rumbling waves
salty tears

spilling on broken hearts
life seems to stop
filling all the cracks

grief flows
caked upon mourning cheeks
remnants of your loss

©Tournesol’16

one single ripple (troibun)

We are to  use this beautiful haiku to inspire our writing…

lights along the shore
shimmering reflections
ripple in the lake
© Joyce Lorenson

She remembers telling her youths many times how grief is like a tidal wave at first with waves crashing on the shore with such a vengeance. Over time the waves roll in with restraint and eventually over time, intermittently until they roll in no longer. Eventually,  the water is clear like a mirror safe for a single ripple…

reminder
gentle ripple on the water
memories of long ago

reminder
times she held me close,
brings a smile

gentle ripple on the water
subtle, yet genuine
and surreal

memories of long ago
songs echo in my heart
even if off-key

©Tournesol`16/06/07

 

blossoms (tan renga & troiku)

silence
in the blind wind’s dance
blossoms
© Jane Reichhold
solemn contemplation
petals rest on her plaque

© Tournesol’16/05/25

The above tan renga inspired me to write just a bit more and here is a troiku I will be adding to Haiku Horizons prompt “rest”

muted June bug
in solemn contemplation
rests on her plaque

muted June bug
caught
resting

in solemn contemplation
starlings nap
on bended knees

rests on her plaque
one lone
sunflower

©Tournesol’16/05/25

times passed (troiku)

breathing in her scent
drifting from her dresser
fond memories take hold

breathing in her scent
mind drifts to times passed
when our hearts were light

drifting from her dresser
scents trigger sentiments
I thought were long gone

fond memories take hold
in a life when time stopped
…or so we thought

©Tournesol’16/05/10

Written for The secretkeeper and the prompts are: drift, breathe, light, hold, life