soothing grief (haibun)

(c) Clr '15 rumbling slumber

(c) Clr ’15 rumbling slumber

I just started reading Put your Lips Together by Hamish ‘Managua’ Gunn on my day off and sleepiness seems to take over me yet my mind won’t shut off…and so I quickly transferred those intruding thoughts to my keyboard,  so I could go back to nothingness and passively pass the rest of my day off.

My mind’s entranced by words I read. It’s nice to wander to nowhere lands. But soon I feel a heaviness… I am too sleepy to read … I rest my head on velvet softness. Such a quandary since I must read to stop the thoughts exhausting me. I hang onto words from a new writer’s thoughts; his thoughts are motivating and let me to travel to places I’ve never been; ah yes, I remember one that I’d been long long ago in Aberdeen. Memories flood my soul as I drift in and out of alpha waves. IlLike riding the waves; I am so light …no featherlike, the sea transports me to islands where fishing is the only means of survival.

My eyes are heavy but my mind will not sleep. STOP!! I just want the mind to dull…be rid of any thoughts for a few moments…no contemplations, please, some respite, I implore.

I love to write but writing unlocks the dam of thoughts that gush forth so strong at times I can’t decipher good from bad, hell from heaven and so I read when my eyes can stay open to escape…And travel in the minds and thoughts of other writers so easier to take those words. They do not rush in tsunamis but more like streams of honey and melted butter. Small increments at a time …tiny palatable morsels. The perfect balance to satiate a hungry reader.


laced in warm abode

melting lyrics


slumber meets me

I am compliant

silly putty


notions flutter

buzzing me to wakefulness

grief settles


grief settles

bleeds in every crevice

holds me hostage.

(c) Tournesol ’15

Blessings come in two’s (haibun)

© Clr '15

© Clr ’15

A funny thing happened to me on my way home tonight.  I dressed warm, ready for my usual bitter cold walk to the metro. I actually look like a burglar dressed up in black, all you can see are my nose and eyes.  I still chanced the shortcut out back and there was only about 300 metres with snow drifts to get to the street. No problem.  I was quite pleased with myself considering that the street was only half ploughed. The scraper had scraped right to the icy surface. The street looked like a skating rink. No kidding! If more people would have been awake at this time, for sure some might have skated and youngsters would have slid on their boots.  I get to the Métro Rosemont and for the first time I see dozens of people inside the small square waiting for their busses. Yep, it is that cold!  (Oh did I tell you I froze for an hour Valentine’s evening after my nice café adventure?  I waited an hour in the cold for a bus to get home. I was so cold by the time I got home,  my body would not get warm enough. I felt feverish and achy all over.  Had to call in sick the next day (Sunday) as there was NO way in this century I was braving the cold.)

So back to tonight. I take the métro to Bonaventure and my bus is already there awaiting me (well, it feels good to think so).  I get on the bus engrossed in my novel I am reading by Alice Keys, Rose (check her out at Aliceville)…up to Chapter 89 now.  Gosh! One thing I do not like about e-readers is you cannot tell if you are close to the end so for the past 20+ chapters I am wondering when that will be.  I will let ya’ll know about this book that has captured my attention for the past 2 days now.  I am a slow reader and when I want to remember something I highlight it…and read it over. I know, weird but that is me if I read a book that someone I sort of know wrote itJ.  I have been too brain dead and tired to write much lately, so I am so glad I have a novel that is keeping me absorbed.

I settle on the bus and open my Kindle again and once I get on le pont Champlain I hear a funny sound. It sounds like a phone but no one is picking up. I feel in my breast pocket of my winter coat and take my new I-phone out and yep, it was for me. I have to change that ringer to match what I had on my Samsung…a little Motown sounds I recognize…not this techno weird stuff.

A colleague tells me I forgot my home keys at the office. OH NO!! NOT AGAIN!  My heart drops for a split second and then I realize I am still on the bus, I have not walked the 10 minute walk to my apartment in the cold to discover I did not have my keys and walk back again in the cold to the bus. All I had to do was sit on the warm bus that was going back to Montreal in five minutes. No problem, I tell my colleague but it would be nice if someone is off work to bring the keys to the subway near work so I don’t have to brave the cold walk again to the office.  A colleague offers to drive to the Métro with her hubby who was picking her up and she would wait for me there. She has done this already once for me two years ago. Good Lord there are angels on this planet!!

So I stay on the bus, get on the Métro again. Then I see about six Montreal Police officers waiting to check the trains on the line I was taking. Shoot! They have this Miami Vice swagger when they walk, and feathered hair spiked up…nice and messy…in their camo pants and high laced boots…they have been negotiating their pension for the past year and this is one way they are protesting (dressing like this)… …like that’ll get the public respect for law enforcement.  I digress…they look in each train and find no one. One police officer takes a snapshot with his phone of a tag from a gang member in my car. I didn’t dare tell him there was another tag next to me near the window…I was in a hurry to get my home keys!!  Priorities now people!!

On the ride I read an email on my phone from a person who has been following me on Stigma Hurts Everyone for two years. She wrote a beautiful long letter telling me how my blog impacted on her especially a post I wrote about a homeless person entitled “Do you even see me?”  Her words truly touched me how she has changed her attitude towards homelessness now and well, that truly warmed my heart to read this.  I had no idea my words could have such an impact!

Then I read another email from my favourite supervisor in Toronto and friend.  It is sort of a chain letter regarding an angel and G-d will do two BIG positive things for me in the next few days.  As I read this I wanted to answer but didn’t have WiFi.  I wanted to reply right away: G-d already did the two amazing things…my colleague who was meeting me at the Métro with my keys and this beautiful letter from a follower of my blog. 

I am beaming just about now and my chest is bursting in my mom’s psychedelic housecoat (smiles).

I love days like today…not expecting anything and then being blessed with such kindness it makes me want to cry with joy.


crunch crunch on the snow
Icicles on eyelashes
a near starless sky

crunch crunch on the snow
exhaling smoke-like vapours
wobbling on ice

icicles from on lashes
body moves on automat
same old same old

a near starless sky
two angels winked down on me
what a blessed day!

© Tournesol ’14

The Troiku was created by Chévrefeuille at Carpe Diem Haiku Kai. Please check here to learn more.

le show off (haibun)

On my way home last night I walked from work very slowly. Cutting across the bushes in back of our office was actually nice with the leaves all gone, it was just wide open snowy space.  It was snowing again but it was very mild compared to the day before. So I took my time relishing the fact that I didn’t have to walk briskly to stay warm.

20150118_222530_Android (2) Walking thru bush

When I got on the street it was  really nice to see the cars covered with snow, and quiet…it was late…so all I heard was the soft crunch crunch underfoot and the snow…you can hear it falling if you pay attention.

20150118_222928_Android (2) lamppost near alley

I thought the street lamps looked so pretty and took a few photos hoping to catch the falling snow…but alas, my smart phone is not a professional camera.


This photo was taken Jan 14th with the blind closed;thought that was a pretty nice effect.

As I approached the lamp at the corner of an alley, I noticed a dark blob…not sure what kind of animal until I realized it was a cat sitting stoic; he looked like a statue and we stared at each other for a a good two minutes. I didn’t budge safe for my thumb on my smart phone. I was relieved I had turned off the clicking so that would have scared him off. Sneaky, huh? I did that last year so I could take shots of sunsets from the office window like the one above taken last week.

20150118_222955_Android (2) matou


twilight walk
stops in snowy tracks
alley cat

stops in her tracks
staring down at each other
winner takes all

alley cat
show off in the night
photo shoot

Well, monsieur le chat did not stick around too long and ran by me and just took off. I realized he may have just been waiting to get around me all that time. When I didn’t budge, I suppose he thought, silly old woman has a few loose screws, I’m outta here! and off he went.  Or perhaps he was late for a rendezvous…the little matou!! (matou also means a player, have called buys matou many a times as a teen)

silly old woman
few loose screws
scardey cat

20150118_223026_Android (2) RV de minuit

félin d’ruelle
poursuit une trôlée
chattes en chaleur

le gros matou
rendez-vous de minuit
chez minette Latour

© Tournesol’15

Haiku Horizons

illuminating teardrops (haibun)

© Clr '15

© Clr ’15

The small tree outside my front window is no longer bare this lovely winter.  It has gems dangling like crystals and diamonds. I had not noticed that before…the ice storm a few weeks ago had coated it completely with crystals but many had thawed, some had fallen but some have  hung on for dear life…

life of a gem
survived darkness forever
life outside the mines

survived darkness
gives sparkle and life
northern winters

life outside darkness
hanging on those twiggy arms
crystal jewels

© Tournesol ’15

Mister Winter (haibun)

© Clr '15

© Clr ’15

Walking to do some errands today was challenging but with the studs under my boots, my wool socks in my lamb wool lined boots (Saute Mouton), my warm Gortex mitts, cagoule and wool hat, long wool coat I was almost perfect…my cheeks and nose were so cold…my eyes cried…the wind so cold…brrrr at -20C. Fortunately, my son tells me it will go up to -2C tomorrow…yay!! It will be a lovely day to walk to work. I think I will take the longer route if it is this mild and maybe get some shots of winter scenes.

Mister Winter
stay a spell, drink a cuppa
warm up your innards

twenty below
bitter winds burned my cheeks
drink some hot tea

exhale that warm breath of yours
make me smile up at the sky

© Tournesol ’15